Execution
by Phenomenon
Summary: An Anti Sue fic.  She wants to die, just not by suicide.  Now killed by Naruto.  Rated T for violence, among other things.
1. Shikamaru

_Good day. Just a couple of things I need to say before I get the ball rolling. First, I'm not new to fanfiction, but I am new to Naruto fanfiction (although I have read a few). Secondly, and this is quite important: I read the manga and watch the English DUB._

_**Collective gasp!**_

_So if Naruto believes it, dang it, he believes it. As the summary says, my self-insert is an Anti-Sue, the opposite of a Mary-Sue, whose sole purpose is to be so annoying that every character she interacts with finds it virtually impossible not to kill her. In short, she's trying to die. With that said, let's get started!_

_I don't own Naruto or any of its characters._

**Execution: **with Shikamaru

It took Phen-chan a couple of hours to navigate through these thick forests, but with her inhuman perseverance, she was able to find her first target. Shikamaru was standing in one of the few clearings of the forest, hardly moving as he stared at the sky. Upon noticing him, Phen-chan gave an awful shriek and went barreling toward him. Shikamaru, although a little startled, chose to ignore this, hoping she would just pass him by. Unfortunately, this wouldn't be the case.

"Hey! Hey you!" Phen-chan screamed, waving her arms wildly. Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut, as if bracing for impact. "Hey!" She tapped him on his right shoulder. He turned in that direction as she moved to the left. "Over here, buddy! I have something to tell you!" She was waving right in his face now.

"…What is it?" Shikamaru cautioned after a few tense moments.

"Something huge! Gigantic! Um, really big!" Phen-chan explained, almost bouncing off the trees.

"Okay…"

"You're never going to believe it!" she continued.

"Try me."

"It's amazing! Incredible!"

"Right…"

"It pertains to you!"

"So what is it?"

"It's so-"

"Out with it!" Shikamaru found himself screaming. Phen-chan looked at him curiously. He waited a moment before he did something he would regret. "Good heavens, you give 'troublesome' a whole new meaning."

"You have no idea," she said quietly, then picked back up her overzealous delivery of a message. "But anyway, there's something really-"

"Please, just tell me what it is," Shikamaru interrupted quickly.

Phen-chan now looked somewhat serious. She only stared for a few seconds, then said, "What in blazes are you staring at?"

Shikamaru scowled, angry beyond words. "I really want to kill you right now," he said finally.

"Do you?" Phen-chan replied, "Well, okay. But…" she added, piping up again, "If you don't, I'll be so grateful that I'll hang out with you and follow you around forever and ever and-" She was silenced with a kunai to the heart.

Shikamaru waited for her to fall to the ground in a lifeless heap before removing his kunai and looking at a watch. He sucked his teeth upon noticing the time. "Just great. I've done more before 3 p.m. than I intended to do all day." He stalked off to find a better place to gaze at the clouds.

_Ha ha! Ho ho! So how was it? I'm not expecting a lot of reviews, but if you feel compelled, do it! I personally can't stand regular self-inserts, which is why mine is so distorted and meant to die—several times. She'll be killed by most of the main characters at least once. Thanks for reading!_

_Oh! And I have some IY fics, if you're interested!_


	2. Hinata

_Here we go again! I do not own Naruto or any of its characters._

**Execution: **with Hinata

Hinata caught up with Naruto during his trek to the ramen shop, and stopped him, saying that she had something to tell him.

…Again.

"What is it, Hinata?" Naruto asked while mentally rolling his eyes. Hinata was nice and everything, but she really needed to learn to just spit it out.

"Oh! W-well," Hinata started, growing nervous with his attention, "I-it's just that I…" Naruto leaned a little closer, straining to hear her voice. "I-I…"

"She has the hots for you," Phen-chan finished, stepping in between them and turning to face Naruto.

"What!" Naruto said incredulously, then, realizing he didn't know who she was, asked, "Who are you?"

"Right! I'm Phen Sue, but you can call me Phen-chan!" She winked and gave a small salute. "But like I was saying, Hinata's love for you burns with the intense heat of a thousand suns." Hinata's expression was of pure horror.

"Excuse me?" Naruto asked curiously.

"She wants to have your babies."

"Come again?"

Phen-chan's smile never wavered. "I'd say her most frequent fantasy would be when you drag her into the forest and just-" Her lips stopped moving for a seemingly unknown reason. It was only when she fell forward that Naruto could see the few dozen shuriken sticking out of her back and neck. Hinata examined the body, red-faced and a little out of breath. When she confirmed that Phen-chan was really dead, she got up, wiped the blood spatter from her face, and said, "She's crazy. I have no idea what she's talking about."

Naruto, afraid of setting the kunoichi off, quickly agreed. "Okay Hinata. So what were you saying earlier?"

"Never mind. I'll see you later." And with that, she turned and walked away.

"See ya." Naruto sighed with exasperation. He knew they'd be doing this exact same thing again tomorrow…except maybe without Phen-chan. Oh well; he'd worry about stuff like that after ramen.

Meanwhile, Hinata was in deep thought. _Think! Think! How could she _possibly _know about the Forest Fantasy?_

_Ta da! Hope you liked it! I expect all of my chapters will be about this length. I'll take character suggestions into consideration (that is, if I haven't planned on them killing her yet). That's it! Thanks for reading!_


	3. Naruto

_Once more! This will be an extension of the last chapter. I don't own Naruto or any of its characters._

**Execution: **with Naruto

After that unorthodox (to say the least) situation with Hinata, Naruto set his sights on the ramen shop. He'd actually been trying to get there all day, but so many things had been getting in the way, including Hinata. Now that all of that was over, he hoped that he could reach it without interruption.

When he was a few blocks away, Naruto was able to smell the ramen. It had a strange smoky scent. _Wait a minute…_Naruto sniffed the air again. Was that the smell of burning ramen? Panicked, he ran the rest of the way.

When he finally reached the ramen shop, Naruto could barely believe his eyes. Smoke was billowing into the sky. All of the people in the vicinity were either running and screaming or trying to create some order. The owner of the ramen shop was found close by, crying like a baby while his stand slowly burned to the ground.

Hesitantly, Naruto approached a person. "Excuse me sir, what started this?"

The man looked at him with a deer in headlights gaze. "She's horrible! She's a menace! There was no reason, no explanation…Run while you can!" And with that, he took off into the distance.

Naruto gave a strange look to the man's back before stepping closer to the inferno, trying to see through the thick smoke. He thought he could see a silhouette. As soon as that happened, the smoke instantly cleared, and standing there was none other than Phen-chan, lighting a cigar with the flames.

"Wha?" Naruto interjected, immediately freaking out. "Phen-chan! Didn't you die?"

"Hm. I guess I did," Phen-chan answered lightly.

"And you're alive now?"

"It seems that way." Phen-chan tapped on her cigar.

Naruto was still curious about this, but shook his head vigorously to keep on the subject. "Did you do this?"

Phen-chan broke into a wide grin. "Pretty magnificent, huh? Ramen is alright, but burning ramen is worlds better!" She shoved a thumb in the owner's direction. "He wouldn't burn any ramen for me, said it was bad for business." She rolled her eyes at this. "So I burned all the ramen! Even the stand smelled a little better with fire. No need to thank me," she added, then tossed the cigar into the blaze.

"Here are your thanks," Naruto replied, and then shoved her into the fire. One could hear her body hit the ground, and then horrible screams like nails on a chalkboard. Even though Phen-chan had a knack for dying, she had a remarkably low tolerance for pain. Eventually, she was able to make her way back to the front of the stand. Unfortunately for her, a support beam from the roof fell at the very same moment. It hit her square on the head and she died instantly, bleeding and charred.

Naruto stared at Phen-chan's body, getting chills. "That was disturbingly satisfying."

_Ha! She bites the dust again! This idea was based loosely on a suggestion by Super Usagi-chan. Thanks, and see you next time!_


End file.
